Peace Is Out This Season

It is the congenial tagline of the holidays. The only time I have heard World Peace repeated more than during the holiday season was while touching myself behind the two-way mirrors in the Miss America pageant dressing rooms.

Wishing for peace on earth; an end to war, disease and famine is like wishing for a twenty-four inch cock. It sounds great but it is actually very impractical and inconvenient for everyone.

The current World population is around 6.6 billion and ticking upwards every second.

I know it is a hard pill to swallow but if war, disease and famine were eliminated the world population would spike and grow exponentially. In less than a decade of global peace all earth’s resources would be depleted and mankind would perish.

In other words, Peace on Earth will kill us all!

I am not saying it is a bad wish, I am saying that it is a poorly thought out wish. The notion of world peace would require much more than a wish and chucking spare change at the Salvation Army bell ringer outside the mall.

Utopia would demand some kind of population control. Births would have to be strictly managed and with around 3 million unplanned pregnancies yearly in the U.S. alone it is clear that honor system birth control will not work.

Some kind of sterilization process will have to be implemented and parenthood would have to be applied for or granted via lottery. Having a child would be for a privileged few and entire generations would have to go babyless because without disease people will be living a lot longer.

With all the healthy old people walking around ED medication stocks will skyrocket but few among us will actually be willing to give over their ability to have a child for the well being of society in general.

If the THX 1138 future won’t work then we go with the Logan’s Run version with mandatory restrictions on lifespan. However in this scenario people knowing they only have 30 years to live will be screwing like chimps on Xtacy; causing the birthrate to spike dooming the planet again.

What is my point? The point is next time your heart swells with holiday cheer, instead of wishing for world peace that would eventually doom us all, take all that glowing good will and put it to practical use.

Do something to make someone else’s life better. Not the whole world, just one person or one family. What can you sacrifice from your own life, be it money, time or simply compassion to improve plight of your fellow man? It is not wishes that will make the world a better place; it is small acts of indiscriminate charity and teaching our children that a bleeding heart is nothing without a helping hand.

My grandfather used to say, “Wishes are like farts, a good one will make peoples eyes water for a moment but it is the shit you do that leaves a permanent mark.” Oddly enough he died of a bowel obstruction on Christmas day 1989, but you get the picture!

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