In Buddhism it is said that in order to achieve true enlightenment one must realize that man causes much of his own suffering. I believe this to be true and as I lay here in the hospital being stitched up like an old sock, I believe that it is certainly true of the banana peel.

Yes, the banana peel! It may not be at the top of the list of man made menaces such as the A-Bomb or even gunpowder, but I believe that it has its place nonetheless. Now before you take me for some kind of a produce bigot I should explain.

It was 9am on a Sunday morning and my alarm clock lets out a feeble squawk as if it were the one with the hangover. Unable to find the off button I opted to instead to push the nightstand out of the way and yank the cord from the wall. I then roll out of bed more literally than I would have liked and made my way to the bathroom. After my morning “duties” I headed to the kitchen to have breakfast. On the way I stopped at the front door to retrieve the morning paper, however when I opened the door the paper was absent. I stood and looked at the empty space where there should have been a paper for a moment, closed the door and re-opened it, hoping that the paper would appear. No luck!

I can’t eat breakfast without the morning paper; I couldn’t remember a time that I had, granted I didn’t think back too far. There was only one thing to do; I had to go and buy a paper. The thought of this was very upsetting. For one I had to go outside to buy a paper, which completely defeated the purpose of having it delivered, and in some arrogant way it made me feel common. As if I were any better than the rabble that gathered at the newsstand because I had the paper brought to my door.

I threw on some clothes; in retrospect I should have put on some clean underwear since I did end up in the hospital. On my way out the door the phone rang, when I picked it up the voice on the other end asks me quite cheerfully if I would like the Daily Times delivered to my door. I was speechless for a moment then abruptly replied, “Yes I would!” and hung up the phone.

I stepped outside, it was cold, and I hate being cold. I thought about going back in and getting my jacket but didn’t want to waste the time. It wasn’t that far to the newsstand, besides the uncomfortable chill seemed an appropriate addition to my already tortured morning.

As I walked down the street I saw two or three people eating bananas, at first I didn’t think much of it but as I progressed it seemed that a lot of people were eating bananas. So many in fact, that the smell bananas overpowered the usual morning fragrance of damp asphalt and exhaust. As I turned the corner I discovered the source of the fruity phenomena. The corner fruit stand was engulfed in a throng of people; all that was visible was a sign advertising, “Overstocked Bananas 10 cents”.

I pushed through the crowd of monkeys in designer suits and approached the newsstand. Reaching in my pocket I realize without much humor, I had no money. I thought to myself that if my paper had been delivered I would not be going through any of this right now. I turned around to head back when suddenly my foot flew out from under me then my head made contact with the ground.

I laid there looking up at the concerned faces of perfect strangers staring down at me while they munched on their bananas. And the upside down sign posted on the newsstand reading “No Papers – Printers Union Strike”. As the dark shroud of unconsciousness was pulled over me, I remember thinking. Why is it that when you eat Captain Crunch it sounds as if there’s a cement mixer in your head but you dribble your skull across the pavement and all you get is a dull thud?

Ok you say, that explains the negativity towards banana peels but what does it have to do with man causing his own misery? Well I am getting to that!

The banana peel has not always had such destructive potential. I do not believe that in pre-historic times anyone ever slipped on a banana peel. There has never been the unearthing of a Neanderthal skeleton with the petrified remains of a banana peel near by; that I know of. The perversion of the banana peel came with mans technological advancement. Some time in the early 1900’s it all began, a lanky black and white cartoon character takes an unexpected fall on a banana peel and people laughed. That was the genesis, the beginning of the end.

The banana peel sight gag was used over and over again. When it got old, we just used more or bigger banana peels. It moved from cartoons to live action, from silent film to full Surround Sound. Eventually, in the mind of every person the image of a banana peel meant one thing; someone was about to fall. Its etching into the human subconscious has made it an inevitability. If you doubt me I have to ask you; have you ever seen a chimpanzee slip on a banana peel?

So you see, I can’t blame the Printers Union strike or my paper not being delivered or even the clearance sale at the fruit stand. That would be absurd. No, there is no way to fit the round peg of life into the square hole of reason. I am here a hundred years and 4 stitches later; suffering from mans perversion of the banana peel.